Patiently waiting for . . .
What is next? What is it about next? What is it about the next thing, the item behind the door, elusive, enticing, attractive?
If we divert our effort to the elusive next, we have missed here. What is it about here that has lost the luster? It once was the next. Now it is simply here, and that is no longer fulfilling. Is it related to the amount of advertisements we are exposed to, marketed to, sold on, addicted to? Depressing. (There is a drug for that, ‘just ask your doctor about . . . )
I’ve been playing the waiting game. I’ve been at Dwi Pada officially for 4 months, but allowed to include it in my practice for a year. That is the longest I’ve been stuck in the practice. (It was a full year for Eka Pada too.) I battle between being stuck and deciding that I don’t want to go further until I learn this guy’s lessons. What is the difference? Why am I holding back?
Fear. I am afraid of discovering my greatness? I am afraid of hurting myself again, like I did in Eka Pada, by using excessive force and not paying attention to the moment and listening to the ego? I am not trusting my self? I am afraid of what others think about me?
(All of the above)
Where does that leave me?
Filled with questions! Waiting – NO, that’s a fucking excuse, I’m left here. I’m in the now, in the present, and aware of the actions and the thoughts. I am aware that now is the time to make perfect.