Screaming in Silence


On the mat, in silence, no one can hear me screaming or thinking words of anger and frustration. The half smile, smirk, across my face is a symbol of how much I have overcome, and a reminder of how far I have to go. The determination and focus of the eyes are the silent footsteps of where I’m going without attachment or grim determination, I’m simply here, taking practice.
The breath, like a vacuum. Air is not permanent. This breath will be forgotten in a flash, maybe never registered or recognized. It is so tiny, trivial, and trite. Except for me it is everything in this moment.
In this moment I want to express my frustration and desire to be alone with it.
There are no words. This is practice. I am alone in a collective environment dealing with my situation. That person over there, they are doing the same.
When we leave, we will leave the world a better place. That anger, the frustration, they were handled, suffered with, and embraced. Everyone is fighting their demons, I’m going down with mine. We still have further to go. The other option would be to ignore them and let them overrun this.


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