HELP!

I have a difficult time accepting help. This doesn’t mean that I don’t like it, or want it. On the contrary, I love help, I simply have a difficult time with receiving it.

I grew up in a household that demanded that we be self-sufficient. My sister and I were not latchkey kids, but if we got a splinter, a flat tyre on our bicycle, wanted a swing, we were expected to get it out, fix it, and build it ourselves. Myself more so than my sister, but she’s super handy too.

This didn’t leave much room for us to learn how to accept help. (She’s done a much finer job at learning this than I have.) To receive help requires that we acknowledge that we need help in the first place. To do that we must acknowledge that we are not alone, we are not perfect and someone probably can do a lovely job teaching us a more efficient way.

I have MY ways of doing something, many of them, and they have gotten me through my 34 years, and letting go of those guys is not easy, but in order to receive help those guys have got to go. I also don’t want to simply go through life, I would like to thrive, I would like there to be meaning. I would like something epic to be said about me at the end of my day, that I effected change and left the world healthier.

If I let go of my subconscious drive, which is ‘the fear of failure,’ what can I accomplish? What can I get from asking for help?

So with this new moon at play, I will lean into the fear a bit more, I will be vulnerable, I will ask for help, I will say to hell with the ego that needs to feel perfect, and I will fail at this too, and fail at failing to judge the failure, because … Help is there.
Thank you in advanced for your assistance.

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