Each time I rhetorically ask that question I choose to invite more harm and negative thoughts into and about myself.
Maybe you need to rub your face in the dirt a little longer until we have gone to that dark place; the ugly, self hating, self hurting, part that you are all too familiar with. Maybe this will push you to have an internal shower rinsing clean the buildup of self loathing.
How do you get clean?
Meditation / Prayer / Asana practice / Devotion / Busy practice – diving into work for the money, the distraction, recreational drugs, more pain…
Maybe take the time to be alone. . . What comes up?
We are so accustomed to ‘busy’ that we often forget what alone feels like. We feel helpless to regain what was lost and throw in the towel.
Are you confused by your choices? Don’t know why you call that guy/girl when they have made it clear that they don’t want you? Having ice cream when you know dairy doesn’t agree with you? Eating that piece of cake when you are already full to complain later that you are ‘too much?’
Do you create situations of ‘What’s wrong with me?’ To force yourself to come face to face with the parts of yourself that are not you – the part that hates yourself.
For your life to make sense we must know the
W H Y
Finding your bigger purpose. Why you got up in the AM, why you practice, why you bother to put up with the struggle.
You are beautiful. The universe cannot take away your pain, your self hatred. . .
Only you can